hi i'm sam
263 days self harm free
142 days purge free
  • today was a really hard day.
  • my program director (who is like a second momma to me) pretends she’s my dietitian and it’s beyond annoying and ridiculous
  • she makes me have scones or muffins or sorbet every single day
  • she also makes me have more than my meal plan for every fucking meal
  • it’s gotten to the point where i just said no… we were supposed to have dessert and i just refused. i feel guilty for saying no, but this is all just so ridiculous.
  • i’m supposed to chat with her and my dietitian tomorrow though
  • i currently look 7 months pregnant and i don’t have any idea how to deal and i’m going to look like this forever ugh
  • i only really like 2 other people here now and everyone else annoys the shit out of me
  • tomorrow will probably be just as bad as today, but i’m still going to do it (except for the unnecessary shit that i haven’t agreed upon with my dietitian)
  • and i’m really looking forward to my massage
  • and hopefully grabbing coffee with my daddy afterwards
  • apparently if my weight doesn’t go up a specific amount this week, i’m going to res… i wasn’t aware of this until i sneakily read a therapist’s text oops sh don’t tell
  • overall, horrible day, but tomorrow is a new day and a fresh beginning, and despite how full i’m still going to wake up, i know that this is what i need to be doing for myself

(Source: keptyn, via moobjob)

Anonymous: OMG a massage sounds wonderful and you deserve it so much!

yes yes

I scheduled a 60 minute swedish massage for tomorrow afternoon… much needed during this excruciatingly painful week.